'What time do you need Jack to pick you up?'
'No, no trouble at all! Yes he will be happy to do that.
OK see you in a few days then. Love you bye !'
'What will I be happy to do?'
'Oh just pick Mum up at the airport.
'Well your interpretation of happy and mine would be thousands of kilometres apart there love!
When do I have to pick the old battleaxe up?'
'Jack stop that. She isn't that bad!'
'Well you don't care if she walks in on me when I am trying to read the paper in the loo, or have a shave!'
'If you didn't take so bloody long in the toilet she wouldn't have to push her way in!'
'And I suppose that means no getting up close and personal in the morning while she is here either then?'
'How long is she staying anyway?'
'Just a week.'
' Which means she'll be here a bloody month. I'm going to get the locksmith in to put some deadlocks on the toilet and bedroom door then!'
'You won't have to do that Jack. I like my cuddles in the morning too. So I ordered these little beauties online last week after she called.'
'What the hell are they?'
'Qicklocks, Jack. Temporary security door locks.
You don't need a locksmith.
You can just carry it in your pocket and it takes just a few seconds to lock the door with it.
So if you feel the urge you can duck into either room and Mum won't be intruding at all'
'I knew there was a reason I married you!'